The Major League Baseball minimum salary is $400,000 which is a huge amount in any other profession. But we’re talking about baseball where guys like Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez are making north of $20 million per year. And those creeps are spending it on bull semen and women’s fertility pills, which kind of sucks for the guys at the bottom of the list. So we wanted to give them their due. Here are 10 Baseball Players Who Deserve More Dolla Dolla Bills Y’all.
10. Ben Zobrist – $415,900
Zobrist is an All-Star and one of the best hitters in the American League. But he also plays for the Rays where the team spends most of its money on awful-looking turf and devil exorcisms. If you add together his salary with Evan Longoria’s (#7), they still make less than their teammate, Willy Aybar.
9. Matt Kemp - $467,000
The Bison is one of the best speed/power guys in the National League. Yet somehow the Dodgers are giving terrible Hiroki Kuroda over $12 million per year and giving relative table scraps to their best hitter (not named Manny). Oh, Hollywood. You’re so unfair.
8. Jered Weaver – $465,000
All of a sudden, the long haired hippie Weaver is one of the best pitchers in the American League. But you wouldn’t know it from his salary. He makes less than most of the guys on his team. And the Angels have a giant payroll, so we’re even more surprised. Somebody should give him a raise so he can afford a decent haircut.
7. Evan Longoria – $550,000
Evan Longoria, who is totally not Eva Longoria, was the 3rd pick in the 2006 draft and last year’s American League Rookie of the Year. And he’s been an All-Star in each of his two seasons in the bigs. So he should actually be more famous than Eva Longoria. But unlike her, he doesn’t look terrible without makeup.
6. Adam Lind – $411,800
Lind is amongst the American League leaders in a bunch of offensive categories. But even more offensive is that his teammate, Jose Bautista, is hitting .234 and making about 6 times more than him. Screw you, Jose Bautista! Screw you right in the face!
5. Adam Jones – $435,000
Jones is an All-Star. In contrast, his awful teammates Melvin Mora and Aubrey Huff each make over 18 times more than him. Maybe it’s because his name is so boring. And to show how little the Orioles have paid attention to Jones over his career, he had his eyes closed in his official team photo last year and nobody cared.
4. Justin Upton - $412,000
Upton was the first pick of the 2005 draft and he’s beginning to live up to his potential. He’s the Future of Baseball, folks. He’s like that guy, BJ Upton, except for he’s good.
3. Pablo Sandoval - $401,750
Kung-Fu Panda is hitting like crazy this season and is second in the N.L. in batting average. And the Giants’ last big time slugger was He Who Shall Remain Nameless…you know, the guy whose head grew twice its size in the past decade.
2. Mark Reynolds – $422,500
Reynolds is amongst the top of the National League in most power hitting categories. Yeah, he also strikes out a lot, but he’s got the second-most homers in the bigs and is on pace to hit over 50 this year. You know who isn’t on pace to hit 50 homers? Alex Rodriguez. And A-Rod makes over 78 times what Reynolds is currently making.
1. Tim Lincecum - $650,000
Carlos Zambrano of the Cubs makes 29 times more than Tim Lincecum. Lincecum was last year’s Cy Young Award winner and will probably win a bunch more. With only three years in the league under his belt, Lincecum will probably see a hefty reward in the near future. But until then, Carlos Zambrano makes 29 times more than him!
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