Ah, yes. Cooperstown. The Baseball Hall of Fame in all its glory. Every year somebody is enshrined making the boyhood dreams of lucky fans a reality. And every year somebody is glaringly snubbed. Ron Santo! Andre Dawson! Tim Raines! Mark McGwire! Mark McGwire’s one eyed brother! Don Mattingly! Shoeless Joe Jackson! Their fans wail away, but they need to shut up. There are always better players than your favorite guy who never quite made the cut. Last week we gave you the 10 Best Baseball Players Without Retired Numbers. Here are 10 Reasons You Need To Shut Up About Your Favorite Player Not Being In The Hall Of Fame. Read it and weep.
10. Tommy Bond
Jesus Christ, baseball is old. Tommy Bond played from 1874-1884 for teams like the Hartford Dark Blues and the Worcester Ruby Legs. Those a real team names. For what it’s worth, he was also the first professional baseball player born in Ireland. In 1877, he won the National League Pitcher’s Triple Crown and went on to win 234 games with a 2.31 ERA. He won 40 games three times. And he’s the all-time leader in strikeouts-per-walks. But he’s too old for anybody to remember and his family probably died on the Oregon Trail or something. We don’t know if there is a Hair Part Hall of Fame, but surely Tommy Bond should be in that as well.
9. Bobby Matthews
Bobby Matthews is even older than Tommy Bond. He played from 1871-1887 and recorded 297 wins for teams like the Fort Wayne Kekiongas, the New York Mutuals and the Baltimore Canaries. To top things off he was only five feet, five inches tall! Matthews also helped invent the spitball and is credited with having the first legal pitch to break away from batters. There are only 24 pitchers that have more wins than Matthews. And all of them are eligible for the Hall of Fame. Look at the guy’s creepy picture. He looks like Rasputin. Yet somehow, Rasputin was younger. Except Matthews was easier to kill. He died of syphilis in 1898.
8. Will White
Maybe he never made it into the Hall of Fame because nobody knew what he looked like. We sure couldn’t find a photo of him, or any team photos of teams he played for, like the 1881 Detroit Wolverines. Despite that, he’s supposedly the first player to wear glasses. But White won 229 games over his career, while leading in a boatload of offensive pitching categories. He was also a switch hitter. Like Bond and Matthews, he probably would have won a Cy Young Award, if it weren’t for the fact that Cy Young was still in diapers during White’s hey day.
7. Jimmy Ryan
Jimmy Ryan hit .305 over his career with over 2,500 hits. And in 1888, he led the National League in hits, doubles, slugging, total bases and home runs while hitting .332. And he’s the only player to ever hit for the cycle in a game he pitched. Did we mention that there are two recorded incidents of him punching reporters? Also, he once punched a train conductor. That’s gotta count for something!
6. Bob Caruthers
Caruthers won 218 games and 5 championships over his 10 year career. His win-loss percentage of 218-99 is fifth best ever. When he wasn’t pitching, he played outfield. In 1886, he led the American Association in OBP. He even went 29-9 and batted .357 the year he had malaria. The guy had malaria, Cooperstown! You’re a bunch of dicks!
5. Tony Mullane
This awesome handlebar-mustached man won 284 games and could throw with both arms. He often alternated it in games, which was easier for him since he didn’t wear a glove. If he hadn’t been suspended for the season in 1885, he would have easily won 300 games, considering the three seasons before and the two seasons after, he won over 30 games each. Did we mention his sweet ass handlebar? Take a look.
4. Bert Blyleven
Hey, this is probably the first guy you’ve heard of! Blyleven won 287 games, had 60 shutouts and struck out 3,701 batters. He was a colossal grouch most of his career and has still been grouchy about not getting voted in to the Hall of Fame. Blyleven can now be heard dropping accidental f-bombs and insinuating George Brett is gay during Twins broadcasts.
3. George Van Haltren
And you thought Tony Mullane would have the sweetest ‘stache on this list. Van Haltren had over 2,500 hits, a .316 career batting average, scored over 1600 runs and had 583 stolen bases. If you’re some sort of dunce, we can tell you that those are really good totals. He racked up these stats all while having the goofiest bunt-stance we’ve ever seen.
2. Jim McCormick
Tommy Bond was the first Irish guy in the bigs and the first Scottish fella was Jim McCorkick. And he was a big boozer. But he won 265 games with a 2.43 ERA in his career and often led the league in pitching categories. Hall of Famers Cap Anson and Mike “King” Kelly supposedly loved the guy. But both were dead by the time they could have made arguments in his favor.
1. Pete Rose
Seriously. Just let him in. Look at this picture. He’s paid enough!
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