Sorry hillbillies, if you think 200 mph in a fenced circle is living on the edge…try hauling ass in a souped-up Subaru at 120 mph on a tree-lined backroad! When was the last time Jimmie Johnson wrecked and almost got impaled in the face with a tree? The answer was never! We’ve been recently converted to Rally Car “fans” and have come up with the 5 Ways Rally Car Racing Is Better Than NASCAR.
NASCAR has the new “Car of Tomorrow” but Rally Car has the “Badass Truck of Next Week!” Look at this f—ing thing! It’s engine actually runs on Red Bull and exhausts CRYSTAL METH.
NASCAR may hit walls at 180 but Rally Cars fly over hills, smash into crowds of people, slide down mountains or barrel into lakes PLUS they can sit crashed in a field for HOURS until help gets there.
Lets not forget the brave soul RIDING SHOTGUN, trying not to fill their firesuit with body fluids at every twist and turn. NASCAR should make the Crew Chief ride in the car too…reading the map, lighting cigarettes and opening Mountain Dews for the driver.
How much more exciting would the Daytona 500 be if the infield and outer fence were lined with telephone poles? You see Rally Cars go from point A to point B, not around in hundreds of circles like NASCAR. If NASCAR did the same, getting back to its rum-running roots, they would run the Daytona 500 in a straight line all the way to Talladega…running from Buford T. Justice the whole way!
“Imma gonna get every last one of you SCUM BUMS!”
We’re not trying to start a riot or get our offices bombed, but Rally Car fans are far more intense than NASCAR fans. Sorry hillbillies, you watch your race from the comfort of a bleacher seat protected by by super-reinforced fencing…rally car fans stand next to the dirt road, close enough to get high-fived by the rear-view mirrors of the racers. Often these fans get totally creamed to death, but do they complain? Nay. They take the beating with aplomb, grateful they could be so close to the action.
If anyone out there thinks we have it backwards, write in your 5 ways NASCAR is Better Than Rally Car and we’ll publish your list (or a best of compilation) here on J&B
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