“I feel so awesome right now! Like an orgasm in a sky full of pillows! I love you all so much! Can we get some more of this stuff? I have cash.”Jeremy Mayfield was suspended indefinitely by NASCAR for peeing dirty. They won’t release what drug he tested positive for, only calling it a “drug of concern“…
So let’s play… WHICH DRUG WAS IT?
Hmmm, lets rule out ALCOHOL right from the start.
NASCAR does not consider alcohol to be a drug, they consider it a SPONSOR…
Can’t be weed, its too hard to drive 200mph bumper-to-bumper on the bubonic chronic…
…unless he smoked some to come down off speed.
Heroin maybe? There was Aaron Fike who got busted in the Truck Series Cup Chase of the Dragon.
But Mayfield is a driver AND a team owner, so its a no-go on the smack because he has to be up making decisions all day.
Good Ole’ Crystal Meth? Gosh, this has to be the sentimental favorite of the die-hard racing fans out there. This looks like a favorite to win…giving Jeremy Mayfield the energy to fulfill duties as both driver and team owner, plus the intense feeling of invinceability needed to chase death in a race car…
…BUT the Meth face risk is enough to keep him away from the crystal…sponsors don’t like a busted-up, sore-riddled face in pictures with their logos.
This is the logical answer. Send out a pit crew back-up to the pool halls and beer joints of the rural south to bring back a little booger sugar to keep the sleepy-sleepys away from our competitive edge…just a guess.
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