Welcome back to day two of the the first and only round of the 23rd Annual NFL Cheerleader Draft.
Things got really weird last night out drinking with the commissioner and the team reps… long-story-short we bought a timeshare in Queens and these strippers are now the official dancers of the Draft.
We already paid them so don’t let them charge you for lap dances.
It appears the Pepto Bismol is working and now the haggard-looking commissioner is on his way to the podium with today’s first pick…
“With the eleventh pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the Buffalo Bills select Elisha Cuthbert of 24″
11. Buffalo Bills- Elisha Cuthbert, of 24
This plus the pick-up of Terrell Owens equals big things in Buffalo. Her hockey dating season shouldn’t conflict with the NFL season, this is a win/win for all parties.
Del Wiper Jr. sez…
“Jack Bauer’s daughter showed of her big-league sexy talents in the film “The Girl Next Door” and I’ve been scouting her ever since. The HOT Canadian should set many a frozen pants on fire in Buffalo. She’s used to the cold weather, she’s close to her hometown of Toronto and she’s really been looking to expand her boner fanbase. She took a bad rap from ex-boyfriend Sean Avery calling her his sloppy seconds…but if she’s sloppy seconds then I’ll eat leftovers all day!”
“With the twelfth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the Denver Broncos select Nikki Cox from NBC’s Las Vegas.”
12. Denver Broncos- Nikki Cox, Las Vegas
Yikes, a bit of a reach here. New coach Josh McDaniel must be drafting from his heart here, fulfilling a crush on Miss Cox from back in her Unhappily Ever After days.
“With the thirteenth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the Washington Redskins select Jenn Sterger, the FSU crowd hottie.”
13. Washington Redskins- Jenn Sterger FSU Girl
Dan Snyder is the Ari Gold of NFL owners, he saw her numbers on downloads and image searchs he made the move.
Del Wiper sez…
“A match made in heaven. As a Seminole, she’s clearly OK with the offensive mascot and she has plenty of sexy outfits in maroon and gold. We expect a great deal of wet t-shirt contests and rap videos out of this one! Off nights at DC area sports bars just got worth going to again!’
“With the fourteenth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the New Orleans Saints select…umm… ‘That Big Tittied Girl in that picture with Tim Tebow’, University of Florida.”
14. New Orleans Saints- That Big Tittied Girl in That Picture with Tim Tebow, Florida
Great story here, Saints owner Tom Benson saw this picture on his grandson’s computer and demanded this girl be drafted to help rebuild his decimated cheerleader squad.
“With the fifteenth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the Houston Texans select Blake Lively from Gossip Girl.”
15. Houston Texans- Blake Lively, Gossip Girl
The boosters of the Texans like that fancy blonde prep school girl from New York on the TV, if she joins the squad – look for her to be married off to a player in less than 3 years.
“With the sixteenth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the San Diego Chargers select Kendra Wilkinson from the Girls Next Door.”
16. San Diego Chargers- Kendra Wilkinson, Girls Next Door
Speaking of girls getting married to players, and boom it happens! This was a no-brainer pick in more ways than one. This sexy retarded girl is from San Diego but her fiance’ is Hank Baskett WR from Philly…we smell a trade brewing!
“With the seventeenth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the New York Jets select Brooklyn Decker from Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.”
17. NY Jets- Brooklyn Decker of SISSI
The new Mrs. Andy Roddick just might take up the Jets on this pick, at least do a couple of photoshoots with the Fireman fan guy.
Del Wiper Jr. sez…
“I really like the symmetry of Brooklyn going to NY. She’s just about the hottest thing on the planet right now, at least a top tenner, virtually no chance of any sideline work but I’d like to see some pics of her on the jumbotron between highlights.”
“With the eighteenth pick the Denver Broncos select Carmen Electra, Rodman Tech”
18. Denver Broncos (from Chicago)- Carmen Electra, Rodman Tech
The Broncos are making a statement taking Carmen Electra at 18, paired with Nikki Cox, this shows the organization is going Thick and Sexy in 09, making boners the old-fashioned way. Its good to be a Bronco fan tonight.
“With the nineteenth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Paulina Rubio from South America.”
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Paulina Rubio of South America
The South Americans in Florida are loving this pick. Paulina is easily one of the hottest woman on planet Earth, PLUS she has singing and dancing skills…if she does one game cheering for the Bucs, they’ll win the Super Bowl.
Del Wiper Jr. sez…
“Never in my life have I wanted to be a horse as bad as I do today. I like how she always looks moist with sweat. Rubio is a freak. Years ago I projected her as a cheap Shakira knock-off but she has blossomed…looks like Charo and Sophia Loren made a lesbian sex baby.”
“With the twentieth pick in the NFL Cheerleader Draft, the Detroit Lions select Mandy Moore from Entourage.”
20. Detroit Lions (from Dallas)- Mandy Moore of Entourage
Well, the former teeny-pop singer wants to change her image to more of a bad girl and there’s no better place to get gritty than Motor City…clearly she likes the cold…tee-hee-hee!
Still Heidi Montag lingers in the waiting room, desperate for a team to pick her.
Oh crap, Octomom showed up! What happened to security? Can anyone walk around back here?
The commissioner is feeling a little hungover from yesterdays lunch and calls a break in the Draft…besides, the hotel needs the room for a staff meeting.
Picks 21-32 will be right here at jockandballs.com tomorrow!
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