“Attack of the Virgins”Sorry NCAA March Madness fans, we don’t get excited by college basketball here at jockandballs.com HQ.
It is our belief that college basketball is only interesting if you are a player or student at the University playing or a gambler with his whole 401K on the line.
Other than that it’s just watching young dudes do windsprints.
I know there are many more like us out there who refuse to drink the NCAA March Madness/Final Four Kool-Aid, and thats why we bring you the Top Ten Things Better Than College Basketball
10. Big Ole Jiggly Titties.
What? Holy sh1t, that’s crazy! That’s what you’re thinking right? OMG, if titties are only number 10 on this list, then the rest must be pretty awesome.
BUT, which would you rather watch for two hours on a Tuesday afternoon, a college basketball game OR a coupla’ big ole jiggly titties?
9. Southern Cooking
Mmm good, just like Momma used to make…after she got out of jail and had that job at Cracker Barrel.
Would you rather paint your face and jump up and down, screaming like a maniac OR pack yourself to the neck with BBQ ribs, take off your pants and curl face first into a couch for a sweaty nap?
8. Cold Beer
There is nothing on Earth better than cold beer.
7. Spanish Television
I think that was a talk-show about business, not sure.
6. Junior College Basketball
First off, courtside seats are always available. You can be the Jack Nicholson of the community college arena scene. Second, the admissions standards are pretty lax compared to NCAA Division 1. Drop-outs, foreign dudes, old dudes, ACTUALLY RETARDED dudes and parolees…if you see a neck tattoo here the guy definitely is in a gang.
5. The World Championships of Paper Rock Scissors
ALL ROCK is a popular and quite successful strategy in league play. F**K PAPER!
WTF ALERT!
4. Fantasy Baseball Draft Day
Probably the biggest reason March Madness gives us the redass is because we nerd-out-with-a-turd-out watching spring training games, getting ready for fantasy baseball. All the NCAA basketball fans in the fantasy league are the same guys who bitch and whine and cry about the draft time and how they didn’t get ready and how they didn’t test their system and how now they have sh1tty players…
This kid is so me that it scares me…
3. Rural White Kids Rapping on YouTube
You see Bobby Knight talking about boxing out, the full court zone, the triangle and the key…and all I see is Cole the Rapper grabbing his junk in the muddy yard of despair.
2. Go-Kart Racing
Not watching it, ACTUALLY DOING IT!
Take all those hours you would have spent zoned-out watching college basketball and instead go to the nearest Go-Kart track and go nuts. Of course women will try to use this logic against you during the football season, in which case encourage them to have an affair…that should get you all the way through to the Super Bowl!
1. Getting into fights about sports
How stupid are we to fight with each other about silly games that millionaires play? This is why our economy/culture/planet is in the stink. We’re more concerned about rebuilding the Detroit Lions than we are in rebuilding the Detroit Auto Industry.
A special, Cole the Rapper inspired special prize for the 1000th commenter to call this post gay.
P.S. “Anonymous” is French for Pussface.
P.P.S. let me know if you want to play in our Yahoo NCAA March Meh-dness bracket contest
Comments