No sport has adapted to tough times better than NASCAR, they’ve been willing to make drastic decisions at the spur of the moment to ensure the growth and survival of their sport.
These Good Ole Boys have a winning product that America wants in a bad way…fast cars, big explosions and the finest drunk girls in the world.
We’d hate to tell a doctor how to operate, but we put our heads together and came up with Ten Ways NASCAR Could Be More Bad-Ass!!
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10. Killer Bees!
Every car is outfitted with a sealed container of satanic honeybees, dipped in jalapenos and HGH…at the end of every 10th lap, the last place car’s bees are released.
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9. The Pace Car stays on the track for the whole race.
Let’s see how this new Camaro handles a 500 mile road trip while all hell blows up around them. We could bet over/under on miles before they get creamed.
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8. Pit Crews can interfere with each other.
Bring the best parts of hockey and the UFC into the pit. Also I see no reason why they can’t do some drinking down in the garage during the race, they aren’t driving.
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7. Hood Spikes!!
Not just a great idea for NASCAR, this could be the adaptation that could save the US Auto industry.
Patent Not Pending.
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6. Remove safety fencing.
Give the blue-collar faithful fans the luxury track side access they get courtside at the NBA…plus the added souvenir “foul lugnut” embedded in your face. Now that’s racing…to the hospital!
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5. The Berserker!
Twice during a race, a car takes off backwards around the track. Drivers get Chase points for passing without dying.
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4. Cannonball Run from one racetrack to the next.
Qualifying is just about as boring as whale mating…they should haul ass right after the race is over to the next racetrack and they start the next race in the order they got there. Bonus points for big ole jiggly titties.
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3. Let all kinds of race cars scramble in the Sunday race.
F1, Trucks, drag racers, monster trucks, horses…
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2. Arm the drivers with handguns.
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1. All Naked Infields!
The insides of the track are a lawless party zone, like a Woodstock in Pre-AIDS Amsterdam. The Daytona 500 started at the beach, lets bring the beach back to the 500!
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Of course I left cheerleaders off the list, because they already do that! And they do it better!
I’m sure you have some ideas of your own, please leave your suggestions in the comments down below…Enjoy the 2009 NASCAR Sprint Cup season!
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