Are you one of the millions of Americans who could care less about the Arizona Cardinals or the Pittsburgh Steelers? Do you like to drink large amounts of booze and alcohol with your friends? If you answered yes to these two questions, then we have the perfect Super Bowl XLIII drinking game for you!
WHAT YOU WILL NEED
120 cans of beer (or a keg)
2 or 3 LARGE bottles of cheap Vodka
powdered Gatorade
2 large pitchers
1 package of old-school Red Solo Cups
$10 in ones each (provided by the players)
1 Sharpie marker
plenty of places to puke
1 fireproof lock box
1. You will need 10 players for the SBXLIII drinking game! If you do not have 10 people there, then this isn’t a party and you should just load up to Hooters and cry in your hot wings!
2. Everybody needs to bring 10 one dollar bills. Times are tough but consider the savings compared to a Super Bowl ticket…besides there is a good chance that everyone will break even.
3. Take all game players car keys and put them in the lock box. Throw the lock box in a deep dark closet, throw it in the pool, bury it in the yard – whatever you need to do to keep this party off the road.
4. Mix the shooters. Take one of the plastic bottles of vodka and pour it in one of the pitchers, mix in the Gatorade powder and some ice. You have just made the Drink of Champions…or the DOC as we call it.
When all your players are there and ready to start, write the digits 0 through 9 on little pieces of paper and have everyone pull one out. Write that number on their red solo cup…this will be important all night.
Next do the same kind of drawing with these positions…
The POSITIONS
1. Sack Master Flash – Gives 5 shots for ANY sack
2. Mr. Turnover – Either team turns over the ball (INT, fumble lost, turnover on downs), he has to chug one whole beer.
3. The Holder – Either team gets a holding penalty, chugs one beer and adds one beer to the middle pitcher
4. The Special Teamer – takes and gives one shot for every punt, field goal attempt or kickoff.
5. Miss Field Goal – gives three shots for a make, takes three shots for a miss.
6. The Assistant Coach – takes a drink everytime a coach is on the screen or being interviewed.
7. The Zebra – Takes and gives one shot everytime the Refs speak, during challenges or reviews they pour out middle pitcher into everyone’s cups – they all shoot when decision is announced.
8. John Wilkes Booth Announcer – has to chug the entire time the booth announcers are on camera (not counting halftime) and gives two shots whenever someone uses the telestrator.
9. 3 and Out – chugs one and gives one whole beer for either team going 3-and-out.
10. Captain Cliche’ – takes one shot for any sports cliche’ in the broadcast.
Write the position on their red solo cup. Throughout the game, players should have two drinks in hand…a can of beer and the red solo cup with a shot of DOC in it.
Pass the Sharpie around, have all players write their prediction for the final score. The winner gets one dollar from everyone, the farthest from right has to drink the middle pitcher alone and sad.
The DRINKING GAME IS NOW READY TO BEGIN!!!
From this point on, players must refer to the game as “Super Bowl 43“…if anyone calls it by anything else, they have to take a drink of their beer.
We should be approximately an hour or so away from kick-off…the game begins with a social toast shot of the Drink of Champions, followed by everyone cracking their first beer and pouring a little in the middle group pitcher.
THE PISS POT – The first person to pee after the game begins has to drink the whole middle pitcher AND put one dollar in the PISS POT. After that it costs everyone a buck to pee, until the last person “breaks the seal” and goes to the bathroom – they win all that money.
PREGAME -
Whenever Tiki Barber gets picked on for retiring one year before the Giants won the Super Bowl, everybody takes one drink.
Anytime Jerome Bettis is called “The Bus” or shows off his Super Bowl XL ring, everybody takes one drink.
If Keith Olbermann uses an unnecessary large word like “obfuscate” or “recalcitrant”, everyone takes one drink.
Other things that result in one group drink:
- face painted fans
- a close-up shot of a tailgater’s BBQ pit, double if its sausage
- fancy graphics showing game matchups
- interviews with player’s family members
Feel free to add some of your own…
10 minutes before kickoff – FANTASY DRAFT
Draw one number from the ones you drew from earlier, that person gets top pick and the rest go sequentially after. Each game-player picks one Cardinal or Steeler and writes it down on their cup. If anyone picks Larry Foote, punch him in the wang!
Everytime your player scores in the game, everyone has to give you a dollar. If an undrafted player scores, everyone drinks a shot of the DOC.
The COIN TOSS -
Odd numbers are HEADS, Even numbers are TAILS. Losers have to share the middle pitcher UNLESS the team that wins the toss defers to the second half, in which case the other numbers have to drink it up.
At Kickoff, the positions take effect and all players pour in whatever they got to fill the middle pitcher. Enjoy the first quarter!
COMMERCIALS and HALFTIME are timeouts.
Go pee, get some air, smoke break, eat something – but you better be ready when the game comes back on!
Make sure you keep the middle pitcher full and have plenty of puke receptacles on hand!
I will be utterly amazed if anyone is sober enough to finish the game…if you manage to pull it off, please send us pictures and your hazy accounts. If you have any suggestions for new rules or think I missed something, leave it in the comments…
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